I hear this myth all the time. Someone says, "I'm tired of dating. I want to get serious. I'm not going out with anyone except someone who looks like a serious prospect." Sounds right, but it's not a good idea--for about a zillion reasons. Since you aren't going to sit still for a zillion, I'm only going to give you five, but perhaps that will be enough to convince you.

First, you don't always know what you really want. It's like a real estate agent whose customer says, "Only show me traditional houses" and then falls for an ultra modern model. You don't always know what will catch your eye. If you start circumscribing your choices according to very narrow criteria, you may miss the person who is just the right blend of surprises. Chemistry is quirky. By going only for people who are 'just right' you may miss the new mix of characteristics that is in fact perfect for you.

Second, you don't always know who and what will click. Sure, some attractions are immediate, while some people are just never going to look good to you. But a lot of people do "grow" on you. We've all known people with nice features who are not striking but who become more appealing as we get to see their particular combination of personality, attitude, and looks. Men who are bald, for example, often seem more good-looking as you get to know them, and the baldness seems to suit them after a while. Deciding that someone isn't attractive enough right off the bat doesn't give you a chance to see how the game can change after a couple of innings.

Third, dating people unlike yourself always teaches you something new--about them and about yourself. You are a work in progress--so you keep needing to add to who you are and what you know about the world. If you only date someone like yourself, you are not going to open up your world or consider new possibilities. Draw too narrow a group to pick from, and you make yourself narrower, too. (Not to mention the fact that a few different kinds of lovers gives you material for a lifetime...)

Fourth, dating non-contenders can help you lighten up--get a sense of who you are and are not--so that you don't become suffocating when you do find someone you want. If you only date people who are "the One," you are going to be too intense--and maybe try too hard to please. Dating for the sake of enjoying life and enjoying people gives you a chance to get to know people under less stressed, high-ante situations. You might like the person you are under these conditions--and take it with you when you are in the clinches with someone special. Maybe you will handle your other relationships better after you learn how to be more mellow with people who are just going to end up as friends.