Freud wrote that children between the ages of six and twelve go through a latency period during which they have no interest in sexuality. Today we know that this, like many of Freud's theories, isn't true. Elementary school children are very curious about reproduction, pregnancy, and birth. They are learning about friendships. They are becoming more aware of gender roles. They may engage in sex play with their friends, and their private exploration of their genitals becomes more purposeful. Some fourth and fifth graders even have their first "boyfriends" or "girlfriends."

While your child is in elementary school you will have many "teachable moments"--those everyday events that give you easy opportunities to bring up sexuality issues. Television shows and movies provide frequent opportunities to talk about love, attraction, gender roles, friendships, dating, family responsibilities, and marriage. The music popular with today's elementary school children--'N Sync, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera--offers a chance to talk about body image, love, and gender roles. The daily news may also provide an opportunity to talk about sexuality. Almost every day there is a story in the news about such issues as homosexuality, abortion, contraception, and sexual harassment.

There are four steps to keep in mind when talking with your elementary school child about sexuality topics:

1.Introduce simple definitions.

2. Respect their feelings and listen to their opinions.

3. Give them your values.

4. Encourage them to come back to you to talk more about the subject.

One of the most important things a parent can do for children between the ages of five and eight is to introduce the concept of sexual intercourse. Trust me: No later than third grade, some older child will decide it's time to let your child in on his or her interpretation of reproduction and intercourse. Most children respond with horror, thinking, "there is NO WAY that my parents would ever do that!" Even worse, you will probably never know that this conversation took place. How much better it would be if your child could respond, "my parents have already told me all about that!"

Clearly, taking the initiative brings you an opportunity to give your child a caring message about adult lovemaking rather leaving them open to a potentially ugly schoolyard impression. Look for a teachable moment to introduce this subject. It could be when you see a pregnant woman, read a book together about pregnancy and birth, or see a couple in bed on a sitcom. When you find the right moment, use a simple definition of intercourse such as this: "When two grown-ups (or married people, depending on your family values) love each other, sometimes it feels good when the man and the woman place the man's penis inside the woman's vagina."

Wait for your child's reaction. Let your child have time to absorb this information. My five year-old son's response: "Mom, that's disgusting!" I waited a moment and said, "I understand that you feel this is disgusting. That's okay, because this is a grown-up behavior. When you're a grown-up, you will decide whether you like it or not. We can talk about it more later." In that 30-second exchange, I acknowledged his feelings, gave him my value that intercourse is for adults, let him know that he will decide about his own sexuality in the process of growing up, and left the door open for future discussions.

Your five to nine year-olds also need simple definitions for heterosexuality, homosexuality, masturbation, and sexually transmitted diseases. Remember, if you don't teach them, someone else will. Here are some simple definitions for elementary school children about these topics.

-- Most men and women are heterosexual, which means that they will be attracted to and fall in love with people of the other sex.

-- Some men and women are homosexual, which means they will be attracted to and fall in love with someone of the same sex.

-- Touching and rubbing one's own genitals to feel good is called masturbation.

-- HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases are diseases usually gotten by adults or teenagers during sexual behavior or by sharing needles with an infected person.

Look for teachable moments to introduce these subjects, and be sure to give your child your family values and not just facts. You are setting the foundation for the discussions that are much needed during puberty and adolescence.