This is among the most beloved of folk tales: the Prince and Princess meet, and suddenly, they "know." There was a version of this in my own family: My mother used to tell me that when she first saw my father she turned to the woman next to her and said, "That's the man I'm going to marry." And she did, living "happily ever after" (more or less).

So why am I saying this is a myth? Because no one ever counts the millions of women who said "That's the man I'm going to marry" and were wrong. Or, worse yet, were right, got married, and lived to regret it. We tend to count only the times people were right. Big mistake.

But that's not the only thing wrong with believing that you will know when you have met "the one." If you believe you have found Ms. or Mr. Right, you may stop analyzing the relationship. Or, if you do see something not so wonderful in your beloved, you may discount this new information. If she's "the one," you might overlook her drinking too much, too often. If he's the one, you might decide that his explosive temper is something that will get better after he's married and more secure. In other words, if your choice seems inevitable, you may deny or ignore his or her negative traits and behavior.

Another possible problem is that you might overlook someone really special when you fail to experience that sudden "'zing." Some relationships mature slowly. Attraction sneaks up on you. You might, for example, be assigned to work on a project with someone who is nice but shy, and it may take a while before you notice his or her character and special traits. Or, you might go on a date with someone and like the person but not experience deep attraction or immediate lust. This person might be very right for you if you gave him or her a little time. But if you believe a lifetime match only follows a sudden revelation of love, it's likely a relationship that starts slowly may never get the chance to speed up. You could miss someone really special.

When you meet someone, and a special thrill goes through your heart and mind, when it feels like this person is the one, there is usually a good reason. That person probably has the right physical template for you, so the attraction is intense. He or she may have mannerisms that remind you of other people who have attracted you: a twinkle in the eye, a droll sense of humor, a commanding presence. In addition, there are subtler forms of instant attraction science has yet to even name.

I'm not saying instant attraction is necessarily a bad thing. This intense feeling can be worth pursuing--your body is telling you something special is going on. But proceed with caution, and only with the knowledge that even though you are being powerfully drawn to the person, this is a physical attraction--not your fate. You can go down this road, but it doesn't have to be a final destination

-- Pepper Schwartz, PhD