I like to tell parents of children between the ages of two and five that preschoolers are very sexual people.

Now, don't misunderstand me. Two- to five-year-olds are not interested in having sex with each other. But they are very curious about their bodies, their friends' bodies, and your grown-up body. They are developing a sense of what it means to be a boy or a girl. And sometime between the ages of three and five, your pre-schooler is likely to ask: "Where did I come from?"

The good news about this age group is that it provides many opportunities--perfect "teachable moments"--to begin educating your pre-schooler about sexuality issues. For example, you can talk about body parts at bath time, while you are changing your child's clothes, or diapering the new baby. Preschoolers can learn that "Dan has a penis and he is a boy" or "Denise has a vulva and is a girl." If your child seems interested, you can elaborate a bit, explaining that "all boys and men have penises, and all girls and women have vulvas." For four and five year old boys, an introduction to the scrotum might go like this: "Those sacs between your legs are your scrotum; inside them are special parts called the testicles." Or, speaking to your four or five-year-old girl about her genitals, you might explain that "the tiny button at the top of the lips is your clitoris; the opening between your legs is called the vagina."

When you are with your pre-schooler and see a pregnant neighbor or relative, you have an opportunity to introduce the subject of reproduction. You might say, "Why do you think Aunt Loretta's stomach looks that big?" Wait for an answer; find out what your child already knows. You can continue the conversation by saying: "Inside her, in a special place called a uterus that only women have, a baby has begun to grow." Wait and see if he has more questions.

Do not be surprised if your child goes away, thinks about it some more, and comes back with this question: "But Mom, how does the baby get into the woman?" This is another teachable moment--this time for a slightly more detailed explanation. "A mom and dad are needed to start a baby," you might answer. "Inside the woman are tiny egg cells, each no bigger than a pencil point; inside the man, are tiny sperm cells. When the egg cell and the sperm cell come together, a baby can start."

This basic information is likely to satisfy most pre-schoolers. Only the most precocious pre-schooler will want to know "how do the egg and the sperm get together?" Be happy if they do ask you for more information: they have learned that you are an askable parent! Ask them what they think; you will probably be amused by the answer. Most pre-schoolers will be satisfied with the response, "A grown up man and woman can put their bodies together in a way that can start a baby." (If your child continues to press, see the simple definition of intercourse at this link.)

You can also begin to look for teachable moments to give your pre-schooler some basic information and your family values about gender roles, genital touching, protecting themselves, and privacy. While you are playing games with your child or sharing books about jobs people do or different kinds of families, you can share your values about roles and responsibilities for boys and girls when they grow up.

If you have a child who touches his or her genitals in public, as many do, you can gently remind them: "I know it feels good to do that, but it should be done in a private place like your bedroom when you are alone." You can teach three-year-olds that their bodies are special and that no one who is older or bigger should touch their genitals without permission--and that if anyone does, they should tell you right away. You can teach children that a closed bedroom or bathroom door means that they should knock and that you will knock before you enter their room, too.

Talking with your pre-schooler about sexuality can be fun. You are helping your children to feel comfortable with their bodies and to know that in your home sexuality is discussed openly and honestly. These conversations set a foundation for a more complicated dialog that will evolve during the elementary and middle school years.

-- Debra Haffner