That's Matt Lauer on tonight's "Dateline," asking Madonna to explain her current philosophy -- that fame and the things it brings are not so hot in the end. Love is the answer. (This theme is reflected in her intimate new "American Life" CD.)

Madonna, who has sat with the handsome Lauer half a dozen times, says her achievements have not been bogus, but she is "in a position to know" that fame alone offers little satisfaction. She is amazed at the current craze to be famous just for the sake of being famous, devoid of accomplishment. Pressed by Lauer, she admits that while she "had something to say" through her music, she also wanted to be the center of attention, too. "Me, me, me!" is what Madonna says she once cared about, admitting she even dated a few guys who she thought "looked good" standing next to her.

Lauer asks, "Are you relevant now?"

Madonna answers, "Obviously, you read The New York Times -- I'm irrelevant ... Well, so what ... at the end of the day is Aretha Franklin 'relevant'¿ Is Frank Sinatra? Is any artist?" Madonna says she wants to remain successful now so she can use that success to "help people."

The singer admits the savage reception of her movie "Swept Away" hurt her, but, in the end, it strengthened her marriage (hubby Guy Ritchie directed "SA") and her commitment to the kabbalah, the philosophy that now dominates her life. Lauer told us the Madonna he met this time seems "at peace, calmer, more comfortable with herself and everybody around her ... it seems to me she used to be more hedonistic, narcissistic -- all the 'istics' ... now she's asking 'what's it all about?' But I've found her changed with each new experience, her children, her marriage and now the kabbalah."

Madonna, warmer and more expressive than usual, cheerfully gives Matt a guitar lesson. (Maybe just as Matt perks up morning viewers on "Today," he does the same for Madonna.)

"Dateline" includes footage at Tower Records last week, where fans prodded Madonna into singing (gasp!) "Like a Virgin." She didn't remember all the words, but laughingly let the audience help her.

CHOPPED SUEY! The West End producers of the satire "The Madness of George Dubya" claim they have been petitioned by 30 American theater owners and producers to bring the show to Broadway. But they're afraid people here won't know who Tony Blair is (but isn't he one of our coalition guys?) ... MINNIE DRIVER will co-star with TV "Friend" Matthew Perry come May in a London production of David Mamet's "Sexual Perversity in Chicago." The actress says she has stage fright and adds, "I have a terrible problem with my nerves. I suppose I'll have to start chanting or realigning my crystals or something." She says, however, that her co-star is "a great actor and also the most amazing company. I know he'll look out for me" ... LEGEND Keely Smith, the vibrant queen of swing at 71, settles in at Feinstein's at the Regency, tonight through May 17. Keely's stint honors the late Count Basie and promotes her Concord CD, "Keely Swings Basie Style" ... WHEN YOU see those KFC advertisements featuring Jason Alexander and "The Bachelorette," Trista Rehn, you're viewing the work of director Eli Kabillo and his partner-wife, Lorna Thomas. These two also have the documentary "Try to Remember: The Fantasticks," all about the longest-running musical in theater history. Jerry Orbach and yours truly talk about our pals, the show's creators Tom Jones and Harvey Schmidt. Jerry, now super-famous thanks to "Law & Order" was "The Fantasticks' " original El Gallo ... JUST as I get a letter from author Boze Hadleigh about his new one, "Holy Matrimony!," which includes everything anybody in show biz ever said about marriage, publisher Lyle Stuart advises that he has another Boze book, "Celebrity Lies" -- the most outrageous 100 myths, fabrications and falsehoods ever uttered about celebs ... TONIGHT, Richard Gere and his wife, Carey Lowell, co-chair "Timba Loca" to benefit Beth Israel's Continuum Center. Call (212) 243-7300 ... LUNCH today at the public library with Harold Evans moderating Russell Simmons, Joan Juliet Buck, Chuck Close and Lee Cullum. Very literary! Call (212) 930-0501 ... TODD HAIMES celebrates his 20th year as artistic director of the Roundabout Theater with a bang. The Roundabout has "A Day in the Death of Joe Egg," "Nine," and the long-running "Cabaret," and looks forward to "The Look of Love: The Songs of Burt Bacharach and Hal David" opening Sunday, and "Master Harold ... and the Boys."

GEORGE LANG, the elegant restaurateur of Cafi des Artistes on West 67th Street, where the world seems free to double-park, has two other famous places in Budapest. His Gundel, backed by the cosmetic heir Ronald Lauder, is the largest luxury restaurant in Europe. But George's other Budapest pet is The Owl's Castle, which he claims is the only spot in the world that hires only women.